Do Not Take Restriction Orders Lightly
by potsugi
Summary: In which Kagura had nightmares, Gintoki acts like a lolicon, Hijikata breaks his finger trying to save his pride, and Okita is obsessed with throwing restriction orders. *OkiKagu* -OneShoot-


Yay~! First Gintama fanfic in English!

Well, come to think about it, it's also my very first fanfic in English… This is originally a story in Spanish, since it's my language, but then I thought "HEY! Why not translate it? Why not?" and so here I am…

Be nice ppl, English is not my first language. I'd love to read your constructive criticism ^^, and if you find some mistake, please feel free to tell me~~ I'd be very glad~~

I do NOT own Gintama, if I did, it wouldn't be as funny as it is right now e_e

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Do not take restriction orders lightly.

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It was all Shinpachi's fault. Because of his stressful and flat personality, which decided to break and avoid the routine he was so used to. It was because he decided to be late that morning that all this happened. Yep; no doubt.

Kagura was, as everybody who knew her well would say, the kind of girl who doesn't wake up until she had slept enough –about nine to ten hours. Shortly, she was heavy sleeper.

"Stupidly heavy" Gintoki thought, as he watched her sleeping beside him "Impossibly heavy".

He poked her face, pulled her hair, covered her nose, and screamed in her ear. But nothing happened. The little was still sleeping peacefully, in _his_ bed, under _his_ blankets.

Gintoki felt sorry for himself, for the first time in years. He was not a lolicon, for goodness sake. Every day he had to explain this to the people when they saw him with _that_ glare –the one that said "Ewww, do you see him? Poor girl" Of course, the entire Kabuki-cho knew the fact that Kagura wasn't his relative, and that they lived together anyways. Probably, the entire Kabuki-cho believed in him as just another pedophile within the city. And poor Gin could only looked down at his boots, totally ashamed.

Later, that night, Kagura had crawled into his bed, half asleep-half awake, muttering that she had a bad dream. And before Gin could kick her out back to the closet, or at least out of his room, the damn brat was already asleep.

And he tried to wake her up –Oh, how hard he tried. But she was unbelievable heavy, just as her sleep.

"Stupidly heavy; impossibly heavy"

He thought of going and sleep in the sofa, or something. Let the brat get the whole futon for herself, he thought. But then again, when he looked back at his chest, he noticed a tiny hand holding firmly at his pajama. He tried to undo her grip –he tried hard, oh so friggin' hard again. But it was (she was) too strong: a heavy grip. Gintoki made funny faces as he tried (hard, _again_) to carry her, pulled her, shake her, but _again_, she was heavy.

"Stupidly heavy; impossibly heavy"

At some moment during night (3 AM, said the clock), after intensive fights and drops of sweat, he finally gave up, and also fell asleep, thinking he should lock the door, so this kind of incidents have no chance on happening again.

…

The next morning, Okita Sougo and (Bastard) Hijikata Toshiro were in front of the Yorozuya, giving a hard glare at the door.

-Oi Sougo… Say again, why the hell are we here, destroying our pride like this?

-Because of Kondo-san -deadpanned the boy, remembering how his Commander had cried the other day, when he arrived at the Shinsengumi yelling that Otae-san had finally…, she had finally… asked for a restriction order against him.- But Hijikata-san, don't worry, you have no pride to destroy.

-Shut up, you bastard! This is all you fault! –the Vice Commander snapped, his finger only a few centimeters away from the doorbell- You're in charge of restriction orders, how did you let this happened?

-Money –Sougo responded simply, pushing the finger of his superior against the bell. A _crack_ sound above the _ring, _as Hijikata probably broke his finger- Besides, how was I to know that Kondo-san would really obey? He had been a stalker for almost two years.

Minutes passed, but no one opened the door.

-Enough. Let's go. No one is gonna open. They are not here. They don't want to see us.

-Hijikata-san, are you running away? –shadows crept into his face as Okita looked down on Hijikata, a sadistic smirk all over his lips as despise sound loudly in his voice- Don't tell me you're so much of a coward to ask for a single favor?

And so, Hijikata kicked the door, with his eyes hidden within the shadow of his hair, just to found an empty room as they entered the Yorozuya.

-Oh~ well, maybe they are not here after all? –said Okita, looking at a frozen Hijikata. Only when they were about to leave the place, a loud snore coming from the room behind the desk stopped them.

Both Shinsengumis looked at the bottom of the hall, where the snore came from. Each one of them wondering, what kind of bloody torture they could use on the slept, defenseless samurai Yorozuya leader. They quickly crept to the opposite side of the rest room, opening the sliding door barely enough just to make sure if Gintoki could really snore that loudly.

And there they discovered that, in fact, it wasn't Gin the one who made the creepy sound. In was a little red-haired girl, who was sleeping comfortably on the man's chest, holding tightly on the man's pajama. A man, who was usually called a lazy perverted, sweet addicted, irresponsible boss. And now a pedophile too. As if he had a lack of defects…

Both Shinsengumi were honestly shocked, but it was Okita the one with a dark aura around him. His face somehow blushed.

-Oi… Oi, Sougo… -Hijikata, who knew far too well the dangerous mood of the boy, tried to calm him down, but failed miserably.

When Gintoki opened lazily his eyes, yawning as he would do on any ordinary morning, he found an enormous bazooka aiming at his face. He blinked many times then he rubbed his eyes, and blinked again. Oh, holly shit, that wasn't an ordinary morning anymore.

-WAI –WHAT? –he screamed- N-n-n-n-no, no. Hold on! Hold on a second! WAIIIIT! What the fu…? –and there she was, sleeping, holding onto him.

"Stupidly heavy; impossibly heavy"

-I... I… I can explain this. It is NOT what it seems. Gin-san didn't do anything wrong. He is a nice father- err, Elder Brother! You wouldn't do anything to this cute Onii-san, would you?

But the weapon was still there, pointing at him. And Gintoki knew pretty well who was behind it.

-Hijikata-san, what do you think about pedophiles? –asked Okita, as deadpanned as always, but with a dangerous sadism deep inside his voice.

-They're shit; the dregs of society –he answered, smoking peacefully against the wall.

And only because Kami-sama must really, really need him alive (or at least that's what Gintoki wanted to think), Kagura let go of his clothes just in time, moving slowly to the opposite side of the futon, still asleep.

And of course, Gin ran as if his live depended on it. In fact, it _did_.

He was thinking, as Okita shot him violently with the damned bazooka, that all this stupid mess was Shinpachi's fault, who hadn't been there earlier to wake him up. That Megane…

And he was not a friggin' lolicon. Damn it, he did not even offer his little house for the alien girl to live in. She had sounded pretty dangerous when she suggested that she needed a place to stay. And she hit the wall behind him as she asked if, only if Gin-_chan_ was ok with that, she could stay with him for a while. The wall was all broken, and Gintoki was totally freaked out.

-Mmmmh, Mayora? –Kagura finally woke up, after her healthy nine-to-ten hours of deep sleep, just to find that the Sadist was bombing a Gin-chan, who was running like hell all along the hall, which was partially destroyed.

She thought of going and stop them by beating up the Sadist and saving poor Gin-chan. It was not ok: the rest room was a completely mess and that Sadist could pay for bullying her leader. But then she dropped the idea as soon as it came to her mind; she was hungry, and nothing can be done if you are hungry.

"By the next episode it would be ok, as always" Kagura thought, rubbing her eyes.

-Oi, Mayo freak, what on earth happened? –She asked loudly to the man that was smoking beside her, randomly looking at the two men fighting –well, one fighting, and the other escaping.

Hijikata let a heavy sight get out of his mouth. Sougo was so unripe when it came to China, that it makes him feel sick. He thought Okita could simply talk with her, without punches, or kicks, or insults, and they surely would reach an agreement –go on a date or something. Because Hijikata was tired; every time a random boy on the street (mostly foreigners who didn't know the girl or the Prince of Sadist) tired on flirting with Kagura, a restriction order was done and delivered. And then, of course and why not, he himself was the one who had to deal with the lawsuits and stuff.

It got on his nerves, really.

And China girl, obviously, did not have an idea.

-You tell me –he finally answered. But Kagura wasn't paying attention. She was already making her way to the almost undone kitchen, where a piled of fired rice awaited for her.

* * *

Ah. It's not so romantic, is it? Well, OkiKagu is not so romantic…

Don't misunderstand; I don't think Gin-chan is a lolicon. In fact, I'm quite in love with GinKagu… But I like this pairing better :E

Hope you enjoyed this! Hopefully it made you laugh? My humor is not as good as that Gorilla Sorachi-san's, so…

Thank you for reading!

Review? :3


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